TSA Screeners Find Suspicious Poo Poo Jammed Up Passenger’s Rectum

Authorities at Roanoke Regional Airport have held local resident James Vernon in custody after TSA screeners caught him trying to board a flight to Atlanta with over two pounds of poo poo stuffed in his rectum. An alert screener saw Mr. Vernon make a “funny face” as he was passing through the metal detector and called him aside.

“I seen something that weren’t right,” said screener LaTonia Washington, “so we gave him the probe.”

This probe revealed the large quantity of poo poo, of which Mr. Vernon denied any prior knowledge. “I didn’t realize there was so much up there, but now that I think about it I hadn’t taken a dump in almost two days. What can ya do?”

The TSA, having thwarted another possibly devastating attack in an airplane bathroom, is seeking an additional $10 million in rectal-screening equipment.

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