Radical Surfers Feared Plotting Awesome Beach Day

The Department of Homeland Security has raised the terror threat level to “Almost Plausible” today after someone overheard a cell phone conversation which contained the shocking plans for what experts are calling an “explosive event.”

Piecing together the sketchy details, government officials say that Malibu resident and longtime surfer Kyle Otto is planning “an awesome Saturday that will blow everyone away.” According to a mass text message sent to all his surfer buddies while sitting in his car outside a grocery store, Otto’s chilling agenda includes an afternoon spent “slaying waves,” an evening of “frying up some sick barbeque,” and an all-night party in which “hopefully somebody will get blown.”

It was when one of the radical surfers called Otto back to confirm the mission and/or clarify some details that a woman walking from her car into the store overheard Otto say, “Dude, it’s gonna be hot. We’ll be enshrined and shit!” She immediately reported the incident like a good little Soviet slave and for the past 24 hours the government has worked feverishly to prevent this fun event from taking place.

Stepped-up security tactics include: extra police will keep the nation’s coastline safe by patrolling in search of beer at the beach; NSA agents will keep tabs on all phone contact between the dudes; SWAT teams will be on hand to shut the party down if any noise is audible from the street after 10 pm.

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