Public Parks on High Alert for Picnic Basket Nukes
Mexican birthday parties, hungry ants, homeless men pushing shopping carts full of cans, and jogging homosexuals may be the first line of defense in stopping the next false-flag terrorist attack in America—because last week two prototypes of the CIA’s secret Picnic Basket Nuke Program went missing.
“The plan was very simple,” says a CIA agent who asked to be called Christopher. “We always thought the sound of a “suitcase” or “backpack” nuke was so dry—we pictured Russian businessmen in gray suits with bad mustaches or German tourists wearing too-short jeans. So we designed a nuke with more heart, something that represented all that’s warm, innocent, and genuine about the
Little did the CIA imagine that its own invention might be turned against the nation it was meant to represent and defend. But these two nukes, having gone missing from a Chicago-area facility one week ago, could be headed for any of the tens of thousands of small city or large national parks across the country.
A concerned Sandy Davies of the National Park Service says, “What if they wanted to take out the
President Bush weighed in on this critical threat: “These evildoers hate us. They hate our way of life, our trees, our piñatas, and our swing sets. We take this threat very seriously.”
In response to Bush’s strong warning, the Department of Homeland Security has raised its threat level to Pretty Much Bullshit and urges caution to park-goers when approaching an unattended picnic basket. Its website warns: “No
No Responses to “Public Parks on High Alert for Picnic Basket Nukes”
No comments yet