American Housewives Receive Free Hanging Plant Spy Cams To Fight Terror

Cathy Anderson remembers the paralyzing fear and devastating sorrow she felt in wake of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. In the last six-plus years, while American armed forces have battled mustachioed enemies thousands of miles away, this Republican housewife has done her own tour of duty in the War on Terror. She tunes in daily to conservative talk show hosts Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, clapps for US soldiers at the airport, and has patriotic stickers on her car.

This week Mrs. Anderson assumed another bold responsibility by joining the vanguard of American homes to place innocuous-looking hanging plants which house a hidden camera, distributed by Department of Homeland Security.

“We’ve got to do our part to fight the terrorists,” she says. “You never know where they might be hiding—on the couch, in the pantry, even in the coat closet waiting for the right time to strike! Now I feel safer…and I’m helping my country.”

DHS spokesman Kenneth Fast explained the new program’s logistics: “We’re calling it the HANG Program, which stands for Homes Against Naughty Guys. Over the last six years we’ve completely secured the US borders, we’ve confiscated millions of nail clippers—now these hanging plant cameras will seal our victory in the war.”

The plants come in three varieties: Spider, Fuchsia, and Purple Heart (the latter already a housewife favorite). Each does need to be watered, and if short on nutrients the camera emits an audio clip which says, “Feed me or the terrorists will see me.”

SNS, greatly impressed with Mrs. Anderson’s War on Terror credentials, asked whether she had ever considered further efforts such as buying a firearm, stockpiling emergency food, or visiting a wounded US soldier. With a watering can in hand and a smile on her face, she said: “Well, I’ve certainly already done my part—and look, O’Reilly comes on in five minutes.”

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