Nearly six years after the US government and media proclaimed that Al-Qaeda, the hate-filled international terrorist network obsessed with destroying America, committed the atrocious attacks of 9/11, the country’s southern border with Mexico remains wide open. Now, while this would seem like a very obvious means to sneak an uncountable number of terrorists into the country in order to carry out a broad terror campaign of bombings nationwide, apparently a) Al-Qaeda is completely unaware of this loophole, and b) the US government is confident Al-Qaeda will never find out, otherwise they might do one goddamn fucking thing to seal it.
One unnamed White House source explains that, “Only Spanish-speaking people born in Central and South America are aware that it’s easier to sneak across the southern border in the US than it is to get blond girls to snort cocaine. It’s just not in the Arab psyche to think like we in the Western Hemisphere do—they’re too ancient upstairs.”
When asked about the allegations about Chinese and other Asian migrants crossing the border illegally, the spokesman added impatiently, “Yes, those people are from the Far East, not the Middle East. Don’t you see the distinction? And despite some of these Eastern cultures being ancient as well, I’d say industrialized China and Malaysia demonstrate their modernity.”
In the interests of national security, before posting this article we asked a friend who was born in Iraq to read it over. Despite having been raised in America since age two, this Iraqi-born man was incapable of comprehending anything he read. We are safe indeed!
Posting your comment.
Leave a Reply