Wife Enters Third Bad-Haircut Phase
Last Saturday at Glamour Paramour Salon, Marnie Wilkins officially entered her third bad-haircut phase since getting married five years ago. Adapting remnants of the previous phase—which featured long hair all around except for the bangs, which were cut obscenely short and virtually plastered to the forehead—Marnie decided to “just chop it all off and go short.”
When her husband Tom came home from the hardware store later than afternoon he staggered in the doorway and nearly fainted, but admits he wasn’t completely shocked. “To be honest, after she had our second child in February I knew that the next phase of bad haircuts was coming. I had almost gotten used to that stupid greaser bangs thing too. But this…I just…she…did it have to be the short phase?”
Indeed Marnie is so pleased with the new hairstyle that her husband may be in for a hellishly long period of modified, dyed, and permed short hair.
“You don’t understand,” a beaming Marnie explains, “the only other time I’ve had short hair was in college after my boyfriend dumped me. I swallowed a bunch of pills and when that didn’t work, the only thing I could think of was to cut off my long hair, so it wasn’t even something that I wanted to do. But now—oh, I’m just so happy!”
She spent the afternoon modeling in front of a three-sided mirror, while Tom mentally prepared a list of long-haired women to think of while having sex with her.
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