Heavy Metal Music Blamed for All-Day Apartment Cleaning

It was a gruesome scene Saturday morning at the Sacramento apartment shared by Aaron Mills, 24, and Brett Kelly, 22. The pair had hosted a birthday party for Kelly’s girlfriend Maya the night before, and the bachelor pad was now a wasteland of beer cans, pizza boxes, and spilled potato chips.

But six hectic hours later Mills and Kelly had completely cleaned up the mess, even going so far as to scrub down the bathroom and clean out stovetop grease and grit dating back to previous tenants. Sources can reveal that heavy metal music is being blamed for this unprecedented act of all-day apartment cleaning that has left the world in shock, existential crisis, and general stupefaction.

“It went on all day,” says chilled-to-the-bone neighbor Andrea Mendez. “Right at ten o’clock you could hear that music coming from their apartment. And it didn’t let up until late in the afternoon when they came out smiling carrying beer boxes and bags of trash. I can’t believe that with the evil power heavy metal possesses that they still haven’t banned it.”

Mills freely acknowledges the music’s power. “We woke up all hung-over and couldn’t believe the mess. That’s when Brett popped in ‘Rust in Peace’ and I knew it was on.”

Details remain sketchy but the roommates agree that over the course of the day they cycled through a sick mix of the aforementioned speed metal, melodic Swedish death metal, German power metal, old school Florida death metal, and even some obscure Czech dark metal for good measure. By the end of it all, their black hearts had brought much-needed spic and span to an apartment in chaos.

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