Grocery Store Tomato Actually Tastes Like Something
Like finding a diamond in the rough, Erie Lakes resident Karen O’Brien bought a tomato from a major chain grocery store on Friday, only to discover on Saturday that it had the look, feel, texture, and taste of a real tomato.
“I’d only have felt more shocked if I had been executed in the electric chair. What, is this 1985 or 1995? Since when did fresh produce actually taste like anything?” a nostalgic O’Brien said, peeling a bland banana.
Food industry expert Miles Keifer weighed in on the disturbing anomaly. “Today with all of the pesticides and genetically modified foods, every so often an authentic piece of produce will still slip through the cracks. This tomato is just such an example: soft red peel, inside it is red rather than white, and when eaten one actually tastes something.”
Dr. Ghoulish Goblin, scientist at GM supplier Smogtex Foods, defends his industry: “The tomatoes we create are all exactly the same size, shade, shape, and weight. Further they can last on the shelf for at least three months. And for that I’d trade in taste any day of the week.”
O’Brien, spoiled if only for the amount of time it takes to eat a delicious tomato, plans to hunt in her next stool for the seeds in hope of planting them in her backyard garden. “I could single-handedly spearhead the tomato revival movement. Far out!”
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