Americans Headed for Lower Standard of Lounging
After half a century of ever-increasing luxuries which have transformed Americans from hardworking pragmatists to gorging couch potatoes, the party is finally about to end.
Citing a collapsing dollar, a dismantled industrial base, enormous personal and national debt, and a woefully uneducated and useless younger generation, experts believe Americans will soon have to get used to a much lower standard of lounging.
“For the past forty years,” says Mark Brand of the Center for Societal Studies, “Americans have slowly phased out work, community involvement, and personal fitness for luxurious pastimes few among the royalty have ever known. Imported products and gadgets manufactured by Chinese slaves, imported foods grown by South American slaves, and a Mexican indentured servant class have all served to morph Americans into obese Jabba the Huts. Our lifestyle consists of watching TV, drinking expensive hyphenated beverages, playing video games, tooling around in debt-funded cars, and using our homes as a cash machine.”
Meanwhile, as
“Unfortunately for millions of Americans, they will now have to physically take responsibility for their yards, their crumbling infrastructure, their personal finances, and their fat fucking asses.”
So warns Dr. Sheila Green, a member of the Council on Domestic Evasions. She continues: “There will be no more relying on illegal Mexican day laborers, sleight-of-hand stockbrokers, or dollar-traded oil to keep this country afloat.”
So say goodbye to all night IM chats with Toyboy69 in
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