Study: Every 13 Seconds Someone In US Sets Off His Own Car Alarm
In a definitive and exhaustive survey of drivers across the country, the New Hampshire-based Center for Automotive Research has conclusively proven that American drivers are virtually incapable of operating the very anti-theft devices that were invented, implemented, and installed to deter criminals. The proof: every 13 seconds someone trying to lock or get into his car activates the alarm.
“We were really amazed by the across-the-board demographic results,” says CAR statistician Everett Kelly. “Teenage girls, young women, middle-aged women—that’s who you would expect to account for 75 percent of the alarm activations. But no! They only accounted for 54 percent. White men of all ages, black women of all ages, illegal alien males with large rear spoilers, Korean women, San Francisco transgender drivers—you name it, no one seems able to figure it out.”
When asked if there were any demographical microcosm to be significantly immune from this mental affliction, Mr. Kelly paused deep in thought for several minutes before finally breaking his concentration with a deep smile.
“Car thieves! They are the only ones who know what they’re doing.”
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