Man Dispatches Tattered Pair Of Boxer Shorts With Full Military Honors
At sunset on Sunday evening, systems analyst Seth Patrick took the time to honor a fallen comrade: a pair of checkered boxer shorts which had lasted for six years.
“Those boxers saw me through the end of college, several girlfriends, a move halfway across the county, countless farts—and all the while only getting softer and softer,” a teary Patrick recounts. “I even sewed up a split along the leg seam two years ago—that was like giving them a heart transplant.”
But eventually even these loyal underpants had to take a final lap, and Seth recounts their tragic last morning alive. “I was playing pickup basketball with my friends when I went for a layup, collided with a defender and fell down awkwardly. I heard a nasty rip and I knew it was all over.”
In honor of the boxers, which came as part of a 3-pack he bought at a JC Penney back in 2001, Mr. Patrick held a moment of silence then dropped them folded into the flowing Colorado River. One wonders how many naval burials at sea have been as moving.
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