KC Chiefs Cheerleader Looking Forward to 2007-08 Season, Keeping Clothes on While Dancing

Omaha native and current Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader Brandi Maxwell is eagerly looking forward to returning for her second season waving pom-poms on NFL sidelines, especially because it means she will be able to dance for money without having to strip naked and sit on Japanese businessmen’s laps for extra tips to pay for her on-again, off-again boyfriend’s cocaine habit.

“You know, as a young girl learning ballet and tap, they never tell you that fifteen years down the road your career options could be pretty limited,” she said while rolling a fishnet stocking up her tanned and toned right leg in preparation for a midnight pole dance at downtown Kansas City’s Emerald Hippo Gentleman’s Club. “I guess I’ve learned the hard way that being a dancer doesn’t necessarily lead you to matinee performances of the Nutcracker at the Metropolitan Opera—instead it prepares you for teasing men who are in various stages of shameful intoxication. Therefore I can’t wait for the football season because there is a barrier between me and the drunk men, and I don’t have to touch their genitals.”

When asked what she plans to do once her days as a cheerleader and stripper come to an end, Miss Maxwell sees herself as “a dance instructor.”

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