Human Body Participates in 55 Trillion Cell March
The human body belonging to Reno resident Leopold Krane staged a 55 trillion cell march near city hall yesterday. Distal tubule cells, ductulus efferens ciliated cells, pericyte cells, and olfactory receptor neuron cells were among the countless microscopic parts which contributed to the largest march ever since human recorded history began some several hundred […]
Oil Reserves On Saturn’s Moon Prove Dinosaurs Had Advanced Intelligence, Space Travel
Scientists revealed recently that Saturn’s hostile orange moon Titan is rich in liquid hydrocarbons, possessing possibly hundreds of times more than the known oil and natural gas reserves on planet Earth. Oil has always been assumed to be a fossil fuel, so scientists were stumped as to how a hitherto uninhabited planetary body could […]
Study: Every 13 Seconds Someone In US Sets Off His Own Car Alarm
In a definitive and exhaustive survey of drivers across the country, the New Hampshire-based Center for Automotive Research has conclusively proven that American drivers are virtually incapable of operating the very anti-theft devices that were invented, implemented, and installed to deter criminals. The proof: every 13 seconds someone trying to lock or get into his […]
Former Asylum Attendant Cashes In On Inmate’s Invention
Tyrone James, former attendant at Quincy Psychiatric Hospital in Illinois, has recently signed a patent contract with General Electric worth $3.5 million. His invention? The self-repairing incandescent light bulb. His inspiration? A deranged former scientist named Harold Edwards.
“Man, this cracker be pooping his pants talking about ‘eternal bulbs’ and shit. Once he tried to fight […]