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UPS Launches New Hitchhiker Shipping Option

Noting the improved delivery time of its traditionally inefficient Ground Shipping service in recent years, leading shipping company UPS has added a new slower option, Hitchhiker Shipping.

“We’re reaching out to the customers we lost who saw UPS Ground as their choice for inexpensive rates and extremely poor delivery time,” says company spokesman Christopher Judge. “We are confident that Hitchhiker Shipping will bring them back.”

The UPS press release includes a map of the United States with several common shipping routes mapped out as a package would be handled via the new service. For example, an 8 lb. box going from New Jersey to Chicago would be handed to a hitchhiker heading west on Highway 76, who would in turn carry it with him through his destination in Cleveland. There the package would change hands at a homeless shanty town, where it may go north, south, east or west. Since the word “Chicago” was written on the box in permanent marker back at the New Jersey UPS facility, the package would eventually find its way to the destination city. Then it would only be a matter of time before it got to its recipient.

Longtime package sender and loving grandmother Doris Means is ecstatic about the Hitchhiker Service. “I can’t tell you how many times I sent out a birthday gift to one of my grandchildren with UPS Ground, only to have it arrive a week before their birthday. Then the kids open it right up and everything is spoiled! But now thanks to UPS Hitchhiker I never have to worry about that again—when the gift arrives two weeks after their birthday smelling like beer and poop, the kids have built up so much excitement and anticipation they’re overjoyed with whatever I’ve sent.”

FedEx and DHL both declined comment on their competitor’s bold move.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 11th, 2007 at 4:28 pm and is filed under Business. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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