Top Accounting Firm To Hold Annual Document-Shredding Party
Barnes & Birmingham, one of the nation’s leading corporate accounting firms, will be holding its annual document-shredding gala this Friday night at its
“This really is a special night for us,” says company president Martin Barnes. “It’s a chance for all the CEOs to meet and greet, talk shop, and shred the documents which incriminate their companies in egregious financial fraud against their shareholders and the American public in general.”
Citing 2006 as a banner year, Barnes & Birmingham has rented three large trucks from Shred-It, a national shredding company known for its mobile units, in order to handle the sheer volume of cooked books.
Company spokesman Neil Martin spoke of the daunting task of meeting IRS deadlines while manipulating tax-return figures for its many top-tier clients. “You wouldn’t believe the creativity it takes to fudge some of these numbers. But our accounting team is the nation’s best—watching them work was like watching Salvador Dali in a chocolate factory.”
Following the shredding of some estimated 8 tons of mischievous papers, the partygoers will be treated to a speech by former Enron CEO Ken Lay, alleged to have died but who was actually just disguised by plastic surgery, on the importance of disposing of every last piece of incriminating evidence—including file folders full of papers, both company and casual e-mails, and loose-lipped ex-mistresses.
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