Southern Town Looking to Squeeze in a Couple More Churches
Boasting a population of 44,000 and home to 885 Christian churches, city planners in Teakusville, TN, are desperately trying to squeeze in “just a couple more churches.”
This according to Mayor Michael Hornborough, who says, “Just like a body during cold, lonely winter nights, the soul also needs blanket coverage. And that’s what we here in […]
Grocery Store Tomato Actually Tastes Like Something
Like finding a diamond in the rough, Erie Lakes resident Karen O’Brien bought a tomato from a major chain grocery store on Friday, only to discover on Saturday that it had the look, feel, texture, and taste of a real tomato.
“I’d only have felt more shocked if I had been executed in the electric chair. […]
Cleveland Suburb Scene of Vicious Murder-Shoe Shine
Shaker Heights, a small suburb of Cleveland, is in shock this week after a brutal murder-shoe shine that has left one woman dead and her husband looking like a million bucks.
Gary Thorn, 35, is accused of shooting his wife Mallory to death with a .9mm pistol on Sunday, then driving to the local shopping mall […]
Radical Surfers Feared Plotting Awesome Beach Day
The Department of Homeland Security has raised the terror threat level to “Almost Plausible” today after someone overheard a cell phone conversation which contained the shocking plans for what experts are calling an “explosive event.”
Piecing together the sketchy details, government officials say that Malibu resident and longtime surfer Kyle Otto is planning “an awesome Saturday […]
Former Wrestling Champion Refuses to Remove Belt in Airport Screening Line
The passenger screening line at Boston’s Logan airport was delayed for nearly half an hour Monday when former WWF wrestling champion Alonzo “The Alligator” Torres refused to remove the belt from his jeans while passing through a metal detector.
A just-released security camera video shows a much agitated Torres standing firmly in the face of several […]
Amnesiac Flying for First Time Since Memory Loss Fascinated by Pre-Flight Safety Video
Last Friday Todd Avery, who suffered significant memory loss when several large wooden boards fell onto his head during an apartment renovation project three months ago, was captivated by the safety demonstration video played on his first flight since the accident.
“I am still in shock,” Avery said from his parents’ home near Chicago, where he […]
With Rubber Yellow Bracelets Dying Out, Fad Industry Seeks New Stupid Trend
The Livestrong wristband, a stupid yellow rubber bracelet that the Lance Armstrong Foundation created in 2004 to promote cancer awareness and research, has sold 70 million units to date as well as having spawned an obnoxious industry of spin-off “cause” wristbands. However, after three successful years of proving how suggestible people are regarding fashion […]
Parrot Really Enjoying Owner’s Subscription to Miami Herald
Ajay, the South American parrot belonging to Coral Gables resident Harold Strong, has sworn his allegiance to the Miami Herald. This according to Strong, who says that after every tasty meal of nuts and dried fruits, “Ajay drops a wet green poop onto the newspaper at bottom of his cage. The Miami Herald […]