American-Born Drivers Excited About May 1 Immigration Rally
If the illegal immigration rally that took place in Los Angeles May 1, 2006, is any indication, American-born drivers are in for a treat tomorrow as traffic on the freeways will fall to levels not seen since the 1960s.
“It was like, we got from Pasadena to Santa Monica in 15 minutes,” recalls a teary-with-nostalgia Jonathan […]
KC Chiefs Cheerleader Looking Forward to 2007-08 Season, Keeping Clothes on While Dancing
Omaha native and current Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader Brandi Maxwell is eagerly looking forward to returning for her second season waving pom-poms on NFL sidelines, especially because it means she will be able to dance for money without having to strip naked and sit on Japanese businessmen’s laps for extra tips to pay for her […]
Cabo Wabo Be Damned, Illegal Aliens CAN Drive 55
In a sharp rebuke of US rock legend Sammy Hagar, and clearly unimpressed by his Cabo Wabo Cantina located in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, millions of Latino illegal alien drivers prove daily on American highways that they indeed can drive 55 (or under), and in the left lane to boot.
Visual studies conducted by many American-born […]
2008 Elections in Mirror are Closer than They Appear
Despite the next presidential election being another 18 months away, the mainstream media is busy working the American people into a rich lather of my-corporate-military-industrial- complex-whore-is-better-than-your-corporate-military-industrial- complex whore hysteria.
According to MSNBC executive Clive Berringer, “The objective is to freeze the American people in time from now until November 2008. Studies show that leading up […]
Ex-Con Unimpressed with Selection of Big Black Dick
Within 24 hours of his release from Michigan’s Riverside Correctional Facility, Ken Martin knew he had been spoiled by prison’s selection of big black dick. “On the inside you could get all shapes and sizes, but out here,” he says, surveying the surrounding intersection, “most of these guys are white, for one, and two, if […]
Military Recruiters Eyeing High School Sports Second Stringers as Top Draft Picks
With the new war season right around the corner, US military recruiters are scouting the nation’s high school sports facilities for hot new prospects. “We’re focusing primarily on landlocked states,” says Brigadier General Anthony Ford. “We find that people in the Midwest and Bible Belt Areas have a lower education level and higher […]
Kathmandu Residents Still Awaiting Bob Seger’s Arrival
32 years after he proclaimed “If I ever get out of here, I’m going to Katmandu,” residents of this beautiful Nepalese city still await a visit from rock legend Bob Seger.
Ekavir Kumar, a 78-year-old chicken farmer, simply cannot understand what has kept Seger all these years. “He is a rich man, surely he can […]
Siamese Twins’ Novelty has Officially Worn Off
Timmy and Tommy Gibbons were once the rave of the public school system of Peoria, IL. A pair of twins conjoined at the hip and each boasting an IQ of 120, for many years fellow students found them fascinating to watch waddle around or spout off historical trivia.
But now that they’ve made the jump […]
Despite Dying of AIDS, He’s Committed to Spreading HIV-Positive Message
He contracted it in early 1996 during a methamphetamine-fueled weekend sex romp in Chicago where he engaged in unprotected sex with several dozen men. He started getting sick two years ago. Today he knows he’s dying.
But that hasn’t stopped paper-pusher Toby Franks from continuing to spread an HIV-positive message. “Life is a […]
The Real Hero of the Virginia Tech Massacre: Jew Jajewjew
Nearly two weeks ago an unspeakable horror was unleashed on the campus of Virginia Tech when a possible MK Ultra gunman slaughtered 32 students with two very low caliber handguns. But when tragedy strikes, heroes always rise to the occasion.
We saw the local police running back and forth across the campus, we saw trained […]